Cheez Stocks Going Waaayyyy Up There!

BUY BUY BUY! Sell everything else! The cheez parade has reached its peak. We are talking major cheddar cheez baebiiiii! Get on that ooey gooey train while you still can because we are heading on a one way trip to Flavortown! Golden Stocks, a big stock firm, has filled their office with golden grilled cheez sandwiches in order to catch the good juju from the cheez stocks. We are re-amping the game! This is major carnage! Major CHEEZ carnage!

President Obama has declared a state of cheezmergency this morning in a frantic effort to quell the panic of the Lactose Intolerant demographic. So we spoke to the big Cheez Man himself, Tony “Big Cheez” Cheez.

Talisman: Why do they call you the big cheez?

Tony: IT’S ALL ABOUT THE SALES BABY! Global warming has a huge climate downturn and I’m the main reason for it.

Talisman: I heard you can eat a hoot of cheez in six minutes, is this true?

Tony: I SMASH IT BABY!! I spent millions of dollars buying large quantities of toxic gas, and released it into the atmosphere.

Talisman: What’s your secret to the huge increase in cheez stock?

Tony: PEOPLE WANT THE CHEEZ BABY!! I did it to destroy the other cheez farms, thus creating a cheez monopoly that not even the best will be able to compete with.

Talisman: I heard you will expand your production to sour cream in five years, is that true?

Tony: I ONLY DO CHEEZ BABY!! You fool. There won’t be any sour cream in five years. There won’t be any cheese. There won’t even be any hair on your head. All there will be is dust. Now I am become death, destroyer of man. The atmosphere will be gone in a month.

Tony has big plans for the future, as America is awaiting his much-hyped “Mamma Mia Personal Cheez Whistle” frozen dinner line coming out in the summer. He even has big plans to replace the water within all swimming pools with his hot, personally-patented “Nacho Daddy’s Cheezy Cheez” Nacho Cheez sauce.

For now, hop up on the Choo Choo Cheez train because things are looking UP! UP! UP!

#economy #history #war #cheez #bigbusiness #laisezfare