Nuclear Plant Reported on the Grounds of Towson High School

Pictured: Ms. Domino posing in front of school, thinking she can slyly ignore the nuclear power generators within the background. Guess again, Ms. Domino.

Towson High school officials have recently been notified with multiple complaints from locals and students alike of strange generator sounds and large plumes of smoke coming from an unusual gray box.

Sophomore and avid vape juice distributor Josh McErwin shares some dirt on this supposed nuclear plant “Yeah dude this one time I was in class and I looked out the window because I was bored and then I was like ‘woah is someone vaping out there?’ But then my friend was like no dude that’s way too much smoke to be a vape.”

Could this be the source of Towson High School’s power? Is that even legal? Where does McCarthyism fit in all of this? I set out to find the truth of this alleged nuclear plant and went straight to the source. My observatory crew and I used the newest binocular technology to get a view of what we can definitely confirm as a triple smoke stack nuclear plant. We proceeded to hop in, take our pictures and hop right back out of there in fear of the nuclear radiation. Due to this fear, we hired the gifted hands of radiologist Bobby Timson to find out if any of this was safe, and he has concluded that just about all of it was, in fact, not.

The radiation levels within the plant are at 7,345 mSv, 1,345 mSv above that of the radiation levels found in Chernobyl shortly after the nuclear spill. Although 80% of individuals exposed to the Chernobyl leakage died within a month, no cases of death have been reported in the halls of Towson up to this point.

Is the administration at this school even concerned with our health? Will anything be done to improve the conditions of Towson so it can reestablish its reputation as a safe learning environment?

You can’t hide forever, Ms. Domino. The truth will expose you and your crooked agenda!

Pictured: Air photo over the nuclear plant, center is Towson High School, river to left is Herring Run, and has been reported to have large amounts of pollution.