Freshman Consumes First Dragon fruit, Let Down by Underwhelming taste

Lucas Hutson (’19) grabbed the sharpest kitchen knife he could find in anxious excitement. Ample thoughts ran abruptly through his head, “Was the price worth it!?” …” It must be like a peach but better!” …” It will be just like that show with the magic dragon!”

But alas, within moments of the beautifully, even erotically exotic fruit being cut open, Lucas was filled with a letdown he would not soon forget. Perhaps the first of many for the poor, sweet, naïve boy. As a metaphorical foreshadow of what he’d be experiencing over the next 3-and-some years, Lucas was let down by something he should never have put his trust in to begin with.

“I payed-err… my mom payed good amounts of cash for this cool fruit. Well, at least it looked cool. I took a few chunks out and it tasted salty and gross. My mom’s such a bitch, I bet she knew how it would taste the whole time!” arrogantly spat Lucas.

After interviewing Lucas and realizing he was a prick, I began to doubt the validity of the views he expressed. Does dragon fruit have the same taste and yield a common experience similar to Lucas’? Hell if I know, dragon fruit is expensive. It’s a privilege to consumed such a rare produce as dragon fruit and should be viewed as such. If you want to be a whining, HUF-weed-sock-wearing, entitled little chode like Lucas, go right ahead. But remember, you won’t any respect from the individuals whose opinions actually matter.

Don’t be like Lucas. Be grateful for the opportunities you receive.